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The Power of Words

Maya Angelou once said, “Someday we’ll be able to measure the power of words.” For the past few months, I’ve been noticing my quickness in conversations to start and respond with the words I am sorry. I decided to practice some self-awareness to see how often I say them and in what context. I am astounded in what I found. I use these words multiple times a day and in situations I never should be apologizing for. While I want to say that this is a new occurrence, I’ve come to find it’s not. I am sorry is a phrase I met in utero.

It’s funny, when I started to focus attention on my own habit, I began to see it in others, especially women. Studies have shown that women have a lower threshold for what is considered offensive. I’ve noticed women saying I am sorry for things like making a decision, asking questions, having an opinion, and being ambitious. Also, women will often take responsibility for someone’s else’s behavior/mistake. I’m not saying that men don’t say I am sorry for similar things. However, women far surpass men when it comes to apologizing.

So, why am I writing about this? I am writing about I am sorry because, as Maya Angelou said, words have power. When I break down the phrase I am sorry, I am is “ I exist”, sorry is “grief.” Why would I hold grief for speaking my truth, deciding on what I want, having an interest to learn about something, or acquiring skills? Furthermore, why would I take responsibility for another’s lack of self-awareness?

Earlier, I spoke of being introduced to this phrase in utero. This introduction happened unconsciously. Because of my gender, it was already programmed into my DNA. In my opinion, through religious interpretations, legislation, and the media, society has taught us all that, compared to men, women are inadequate and should remain silent. It’s widely known, and examples of such strategies are numerous.

There are things in this world I don’t have control over. And I have control over how I use my words. I believe that by becoming aware of how we interact and respond, we begin to free ourselves from the collective shackles of disempowerment. Excuse me, thanks, no, I understand, and even silence has been a few things I’ve played with. I’m coming to the realization that it’s not our job to fill a void or to make others feel comfortable with themselves. It’s one thing to say or write it; it’s another to actually implement it.

So, here’s an invitation. How often do you say I am sorry? Start to recognize who you say it around and in what situations. And don’t stop there. Begin to find words to replace that phrase. Maybe it will be the start of something you never expected….